Marin Parents Network

Why don’t we take better care of our kids?

kareng7 — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 20:13:32 +0000

I’ve just returned from a brief but relieving visit to my pediatrician’s after-hours clinic. No, my six-month-old daughter doesn’t have an ear infection. What she does have is a pretty good insurance plan, which costs us an arm and a leg. We run our own business and must buy our own. We’re lucky enough to be able to afford it. But why? Why is it costing us so much? Why are so many children unable to be insured? Why are so many parents beholden to their employers to keep their families covered? Why are so many businesses burdened with paying for insurance? Why should employment be a criteria for insuring? These questions aren’t new. In fact, they’re being asked a lot. Even the doctor we saw today brought it up. And that’s good. We’re going to keep bringing it up until this country gets its collective act together, puts its money where its mouth is and makes affordable insurance more than just “Family Values” rhetoric. We can do better. And we should do better. Because being proud to be an American should include how well we take care of our kids.

How Not to Talk to Your Kids

kareng7 — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 00:15:30 +0000

Apparently, we’re destroying our kids with praise, according to this article in the current issue of New York magazine. “Giving kids the label of ‘smart’ does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it,” according to a growing body of research. Instead, research suggests we should teach our kids that the brain is a muscle that you can “work out” to make yourself smarter. Something to think about.

Love = Money

kareng7 — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 23:49:13 +0000

I’ve been thinking a lot about this issue, as I live in an area that has many extraordinarily wealthy families, of which we are not one. I worry greatly about the impact seeing other children getting expensive items for little or no effort will have on my kid. And I’ve already heard about it from friends here who experience it, from the middle-class mom whose daughter has a mother that regularly goes on $4,000 shopping sprees, to the afternoon strolls we take in one of the local towns, where parents regularly cruise around in their Ferraris and Rolls Royces with the kids, sometimes it seems, just to be seen.

A quick search produced this list of tips from the author of the book No More Misbehavin’, Dr. Michele Borba. If you’ve got a tip to share, by all means, please do.

Seven Tips To Squelch Materialism:

Say no and don’t feel guilty. Always giving your kid what he wants doesn’t do him any favor. After all, you don’t always get what you want in life. So add no more often to your vocabulary, and say it to your kid without guilt. Parenting isn’t a popularity contest, and there will be lots of times your decision won’t be appreciated.
Teach prioritizing. Use your kid’s spending decisions as opportunities to teach financial planning as well as how to control urges. For instances, on holidays, birthdays, or back-to-school shopping, require your kid to make a list of desired gifts and then prioritize his requests in order of preferences. Establish clear limits as to how many gifts your kid will receive for holidays and birthdays.
Limit TV. Research has shown that the fewer commercials our kids see, the less materialistic they become. So help your kid become aware of advertisers’ marketing aims. Better yet, cut down on your kids’ TV time altogether. A study found that when kids’ TV viewing was cut by one-third, they were 70 percent less likely than their peers to ask parents for a toy the previous week.
Require giving. Begin by having your family choose a favorite cause. For example, collect blankets from neighbors for shelters; give part of a weekly allowance to needy kids; adopt an orphan through Save the Children; deliver used toys (in good condition) to the fire department. Once your family decides on a cause, commit to carrying it out.
Encourage “no purchase” gifts. Start a family tradition for birthdays or holidays that at least one present from each member must be handmade, not purchased. The gesture helps kids recognized that the best gifts are those that come straight from the heart: a letter, poem, collage, painting, drawing, or pledge to do something the recipient would enjoy—say, fixing breakfast in bed, taking out the trash or washing the car.
Share your own values. Show your kids how you value loving relationships and how moral character, service to the community, and other values transcend the materialistic world.
Praise their good qualities. Don’t forget to acknowledge your kid whenever she is generous, selfless, compromising, loving, and compassionate. Doing so helps diminish materialism.

A Behavior Makeover Plan For Parents:

What might be contributing to your kid’s materialistic streak? Among the many possibilities are an excessive allowance, overgenerous relatives, and easy parental monetary handouts. List possible sources, and then put a halt to them.
One of our biggest jobs is to help our kids learn to live independently, and that means they’ll need to learn how to manage their own money without our financial contributions. Seriously reflect on this question: “Am I raising my child to be fiscally capable?” If you have any doubts, then what will you do to help so he does? Does he need an allowance, a checking account, a budget, a savings program? Create a plan so e succeeds.
Reread the first five tips, and choose the ones you want to experiment with. Jot down your thoughts; then develop a plan.
Peers play a big part of kids’ buying urges. If you see that peer pressure is contributing to your child’s materialistic streak, teach her assertive skills to say no and counter the pressure.
Review Tips Six and Seven. How to you plan to encourage specific qualities and activities in yourself and your children that nurture strong character and spirituality and discourage materialism? Think of specific family activities that you can do together that provide service and instill identity through character and behavior. Write a plan.

Lunar New Year brings lucky newborns

kareng7 — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 22:06:50 +0000

According to the Chinese lunar calendar, the Year of the Pig started last Sunday, and babies born in this year are thought to have a better life. This is not just any Year of the Pig, this is a “fire pig” year, which makes anyone born this lunar year, or who turns 12, 24 or any multiple of 12, especially lucky. See the San Francisco Chronicle article below for more details. (Gee, my kid’s due in nine days. She’ll be a fire pig baby!)

Year of the Pig Babies.pdf

No spanking law, CA Asssemblywoman butts in

kareng7 — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 18:19:52 +0000

Assemblywoman Sally Lieber, D-Mountain View, wants to outlaw spanking children up to 3 years old. If she succeeds, California would become the first state in the nation to explicitly ban parents from smacking their kids.

I’m not going to hide how I feel about this. I mean, I’m not in favor of abuse of any kind. But gee, you know, the government’s doing such a wonderful job of helping us all be parents already–what with all the universal healthcare, fabulous public schools, hefty tax breaks for families, subsidized daycare and all that. Sure, let’s let them legislate child discipline, too. Thank goodness they’re stepping in, because I personally don’t have a clue as to how to raise my kid.

Holiday Toy Safety

kareng7 — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 21:29:03 +0000

A pediatrician at our baby class last night said that his rule of thumb for toy safety is really a rule of pinkie. Look at the diameter of your pinkie and that’s about the width of the tube the emergency room has to use to pump your kid’s stomach. Avoid toys that have parts that small, either loose or that could break off. Grim, but there it is.

He also said Toys ‘R Us hates him because he has a tendency to walk down the aisles going “Oops!” as he drops toys on the floor to see what can handle the impact. He added that in any given aisle, about 30% of the stuff makes his list as ok.

I think I’ll just let my kid play with her navel until she’s 15. Then comes the inevitable piercing…

Donate holiday gifts for children of low-income families

kareng7 — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 17:43:58 +0000

The Marin Child Care Council sponsors a donation serving the children (ages 0-12) of Marin County’s neediest low-income families. Donate toys, books, gift cards, and other holiday gift items.

How to handle family visits and “help” with a newborn?

kareng7 — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:01:35 +0000

It takes a village, or so I understand, and yet, like so many modern families, our village is scattered across several states. My mom has expressed the desire to come help with the impending arrival of our daughter, while my husband swears he will “take care of everything” for us for the first month. Other family members have been radio silent on this topic. I have no idea what to expect, or even to ask for, and simply entertain visions of sleep deprivation fairies dancing through my head. What worked for you?

Free Tutoring at the Marin Civic Center Library

kareng7 — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 17:24:41 +0000

The Marin Civic Center Library offers free, one-on-one tutoring on using the library catalog and databases, Microsoft Word, Excel, email, and searching the Internet. Basic computer skills — familiarity with using a mouse and keyboard — required. For more information, or to schedule a session, call (415) 499-6102.

My pregnant wife scares me

kareng7 — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:53:22 +0000

I wanted to get something special for my husband to convey his status as a father-to-be and when I found this t-shirt, I looked no further. Called (appropriately) “The Honesty Shirt”, it was a big hit, not only with him, but with friends and family, as he obliged me by wearing it to my 40th birthday party. (40 and pregnant. Again, yet another topic…)